Money Won't Buy Love

This is not my story, though I have made some expensive choices in past relationships.

Perhaps because of those mistakes, it has made me more aware of the kinds of people who prey on others who are needy.

The Olympics are lovely in the dusky light.

Recently, here in Washington State, there have been a number of stories of women (though certainly there must be men who have been taken advantage of) who, through on-line dating sites, have been convinced they have met the Love of their Life. The other aspect of this vulnerability is that most of these people grew up, and were dating, at a time when fraud and scams were incredibly rare. They just can't quite believe they are a really excellent target.

Recently Dr. Phil did an hour-long program with a woman who had been persuaded to send over $250,000 dollars to a man she never met, someone she talked to every day (sometimes many times a day) and who now was at the risk of losing her home and becoming alienated from her family because she refused to believe this man was scamming her. Even with all the evidence Dr.Phil presented, she continued to talk to him and was prepared to send him more money.

There is, for these people, an addiction being fed by hope and dreams.

You can find a Malaysian comment thread with stories of women who have had the courage to tell their stories.

This is the story outline:

A man, recently widowed (or after several years of being alone after a divorce), has joined Love.com (not a real match site) in order to meet someone he can marry. His target 'audience' is another lonely heart, usually older, and with information that indicates they are financially secure - and eager. Older women are not as savvy about what they put in their profiles and they give away a lot of personal stuff without realizing it. 

Going on a cruise is one way to meet a lot of people.

It is curious that the pattern is about the same. After about three weeks of daily phone contact, the guy promotes a meeting but then suddenly, the night before or several days before, he has to go abroad (Malaysia, England, South Africa, someplace far away from the U.S.) for some kind of business. He has some flimsy excuse why he cannot use Skype for face-to-face conversations, so no one really knows who he is.

He uses a throw-away phone to call, so the number and his location cannot easily be revealed. 

The photos used to depict this character are usually stolen and have no relationship to the real individual. Oh, and he is often 'connected' to an adult child who lives apart, but who can 'vouch' for him. This other character may even communicate with the target.

I have had two friends caught up in these scams. One listened to me and got out early with no more damage than that to her ego and is now happily involved with a man who is truly who he says he is and who cares very much for her.

The other one refused to listen to my warnings. And when I became seriously worried and spoke to our mutual pastor about what I feared was going on, she cut me off, saying some cruel things. It is my belief that she took out a loan on her home, eventually selling it to pay off the loan, and as she was leaving the area, she announced that she was sending him another $3500 for a one-way ticket back from Malaysia so he could drive her belongings to her destination. The last I heard she had left without picking him up at the airport.

We all want to have a connection with someone, to not feel as if there are no witnesses to our lives. But desperation, especially for older divorced or widowed individuals, seems to drive common sense out the window.

The idea behind dating sites is a good one, bringing people together with like interests. But no amount of money for membership fees will guarantee that the people on the site are really who they say they are. If you know of someone who is considering going on a dating site, caution them about these scams. And the old adage "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is..." is one of the few things that still has value.

The Impotency of Waiting

My heart goes out to all the family and friends of the Malaysian Boeing aircraft identified as MH370 that disappeared in the early hours after take-off from Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia on March 8, 2014.

The news media hone in on the frustrated and vocally angry who want answers to what has happened to their loved ones.

Particularly for the men of those families, their impotence in being able to 'make something happen,' to change events, to force a better outcome, is anguishing to watch.

Long ago there was the Hindenburg which exploded upon approach to the docking station in Lakehurst, N.Y., and people were outraged at the mystery of what happened, wanting to find some evil force behind the act, someone to blame for their losses.

This new mystery, in an age of constant communication and surveillance, digs into our consciousness and lack of control of external events in our lives.

But even all these years past other mysterious aircraft disappearances, we are not emotionally advanced beyond demanding answers.

How can such a huge piece of equipment, state of the art in so many aspects, simply vanish? What are the elements of Fate and conditions which have coalesced to create this stunning, unbelievable situation?

As I am not an aeronautic engineer, only an older woman with a history of interest in aircraft, a frequent flyer years ago, and with a hobby of detecting (on several levels), here are my observations.

1) Although today's aircraft are impressive in size and speed and function, some of the devices for keeping track of them are sadly outdated. There are better tracking systems in some of the smart phones than in some of the planes.

2) Upgrading systems of tracking worldwide have not been a priority because much focus was put on upgrading security inside the aircraft, and in making more room for more seats to maximize transporting the cargo (that's you, folks).

3) Malaysia's aircraft were part of a regional growth in commercial air travel which has been huge in that part of the world and perhaps they put more attention into getting the equipment to provide transport and less on upgrades. Did they compromise maintenance so that some small failure led to a greater one?

4) While Malaysian authorities have done an absolutely phenomenal job of crisis communications (something I once was involved in), I challenge any other company or government to do as well with such an unprecedented event, and it serves as a reminder that there is no such thing as 'crisis management,' today, only preparing to communicate in surprising circumstances.

5) As long as we live, there are going to be unexpected events, and we cannot prepare for all of them. All we can do is develop our consciousness to be aware change is the only constant. This is no consolation for those who grieve, I know.

We are all impotent as we wait and hope for some explanation. Nothing is more frustrating than wanting to help and not being able to do anything. This we can do, we can send healing thoughts to all those for whom this situation is primary.

Cherry blossoms in March in Washington,
not in the east, but in the west.

And realize that for all our advancements in technology, there is still a vast level of knowledge and experience we have yet to discover.