Waiting....

My granddaughter is playing on the piano while she is WAITING for her friend to arrive for a play date. I am watching over her while I am WAITING for news as to whether the midwife has determined the twins are going to arrive anytime soon. The cats here are WAITING for sunny weather to bring out the bugs so they can chase them. I expect that my son-in-law is also WAITING with my daughter as the time is really close. We distract ourselves from even paying very close attention to what is going on in this WAITING time.

Mountain flowers in Washington State.

What is the purpose of WAITING? It is a time for reflection, pondering, even grieving in some cases - because in the WAITING time there is change in the air and we can grieve, even in a joyful way, for what will be new and different from the old and familiar. These two new lives will bring great and wonderful changes to all around them and it looks like now they will be born under the sign of Leo, not Cancer as many expected. It is a marvel that they will be full-term twins but the WAITING has been very hard on my daughter in so many ways. And as a parent, and mother, being able to bring relief is gratifying, while watching and WAITING along with an adult child has its own kind of challenge.

What I Saw Today

Sometimes I go looking for things to cheer up my MM readers and other friends, sometimes I simply stumble onto a special sight, and occasionally I rant and rave about an issue near and dear to my heart. No more rants for now.... here's something I thought was special.

As I walked out of my apartment this afternoon, the light caught my eye and when I focused in on it, this is what I saw... an elegant weaving by Mistress Spider in a filament so fine that if the light wasn't shining on it, I would have probably walked right into it - echhhhh.

Grabbed the camera and caught it.

It's Mukilteo Farmer's Market day so I wended my way to the landing. Luck was with me and I got a parking place pretty quickly. And fortunately I wore a fleece jacket because the wind had picked up and was whipping up the waves as well. In fact, the incoming ferry had to stand off because they probably had a following wind and made it to the landing more quickly than expected. Can you see how the dock sections are pitching up and down? More than a few people were walking out on them to have a bit of a ride - but for some it was wetter and a little bit more than they expected and they wobbled their way back onto land rather quickly.

But then I noticed something else rather special, only I wasn't sure at the time why it might be. If you look closely you can see an older man filling up a plastic bag with sea water. I put that shot here for you.

Then I watched him try to carry it and it spilled out. He went back and refilled it. The next time he was successful and he began walking up the ramp with it.

My curiousity was too much... and I surrepticiously watched and waited to see where he was going with it. It appeared that his wife was waiting to clean the sand from her feet before putting her shoes back on, and he went to her and held the bag so she could put her feet in and clean them up. I think they may have had their son with them as well as he seemed to be helping, too. This touching effort was really a private thing, but like the Watcher on the Wall, I recorded it, to show that this seemingly small act can be replicated - for the good of all concerned. I know there are lots of MM caregivers who are prime examples of this selfless giving... hats off to all of you for all the symbolic bags of water you carry.

Canaries in Combat Boots

Often as caregivers we are so anxious to improve an awful situation, we take a somewhat heavy handed approach, like a canary in combat boots. We forget that the 'other person' is wrapped tightly too, struggling with what may be an end-of-life crisis and in our own stress we push too hard, making things worse.

I was reading another care-giver's blog and direct you to it for some sane advice.

http://www.loripuente.com/?p=612&cpage=1#comment-248

But it is a good reminder for all aspects of daily living, I remind myself. Recently I was tasked to help out a neighbor with his canaries, over 100 of them, as he and his wife wanted to take a weekend away and he discovered in conversation that I had had birds, loved them, and was able to care properly for them.

These lovely birds are delicate, but they are not weak. In fact, when offered uncooked corn on the cob, they act more like piranhas on meat than birds. They peck each other, shriek, chirp, flap their wings at their opponent and generally act quite aggressive for such small feathery things.

So what did these little creatures teach me this weekend? That putting food in front of them does not automatically mean they will eat it and my job was simply to provide it. Some of them were ravenous, but others were totally disinterested. It was not a judgment of me or my delivery. It was where they were at.

We can learn... whether as caregivers or as companions. There are boundaries we do not need to cross and we can save the combat boots for battles that really have to be fought by us for our loved ones. Just a thought.