Money Won't Buy Love

This is not my story, though I have made some expensive choices in past relationships.

Perhaps because of those mistakes, it has made me more aware of the kinds of people who prey on others who are needy.

The Olympics are lovely in the dusky light.

Recently, here in Washington State, there have been a number of stories of women (though certainly there must be men who have been taken advantage of) who, through on-line dating sites, have been convinced they have met the Love of their Life. The other aspect of this vulnerability is that most of these people grew up, and were dating, at a time when fraud and scams were incredibly rare. They just can't quite believe they are a really excellent target.

Recently Dr. Phil did an hour-long program with a woman who had been persuaded to send over $250,000 dollars to a man she never met, someone she talked to every day (sometimes many times a day) and who now was at the risk of losing her home and becoming alienated from her family because she refused to believe this man was scamming her. Even with all the evidence Dr.Phil presented, she continued to talk to him and was prepared to send him more money.

There is, for these people, an addiction being fed by hope and dreams.

You can find a Malaysian comment thread with stories of women who have had the courage to tell their stories.

This is the story outline:

A man, recently widowed (or after several years of being alone after a divorce), has joined Love.com (not a real match site) in order to meet someone he can marry. His target 'audience' is another lonely heart, usually older, and with information that indicates they are financially secure - and eager. Older women are not as savvy about what they put in their profiles and they give away a lot of personal stuff without realizing it. 

Going on a cruise is one way to meet a lot of people.

It is curious that the pattern is about the same. After about three weeks of daily phone contact, the guy promotes a meeting but then suddenly, the night before or several days before, he has to go abroad (Malaysia, England, South Africa, someplace far away from the U.S.) for some kind of business. He has some flimsy excuse why he cannot use Skype for face-to-face conversations, so no one really knows who he is.

He uses a throw-away phone to call, so the number and his location cannot easily be revealed. 

The photos used to depict this character are usually stolen and have no relationship to the real individual. Oh, and he is often 'connected' to an adult child who lives apart, but who can 'vouch' for him. This other character may even communicate with the target.

I have had two friends caught up in these scams. One listened to me and got out early with no more damage than that to her ego and is now happily involved with a man who is truly who he says he is and who cares very much for her.

The other one refused to listen to my warnings. And when I became seriously worried and spoke to our mutual pastor about what I feared was going on, she cut me off, saying some cruel things. It is my belief that she took out a loan on her home, eventually selling it to pay off the loan, and as she was leaving the area, she announced that she was sending him another $3500 for a one-way ticket back from Malaysia so he could drive her belongings to her destination. The last I heard she had left without picking him up at the airport.

We all want to have a connection with someone, to not feel as if there are no witnesses to our lives. But desperation, especially for older divorced or widowed individuals, seems to drive common sense out the window.

The idea behind dating sites is a good one, bringing people together with like interests. But no amount of money for membership fees will guarantee that the people on the site are really who they say they are. If you know of someone who is considering going on a dating site, caution them about these scams. And the old adage "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is..." is one of the few things that still has value.

Four years ago… passing Oso

I vaguely recalled driving on Highway 530 several years ago with a friend, but since the mudslide last week, I was prompted to go back through my photos and it was easy to determine when I went.

It was a Mother's Day outing, a chance to see spring in action in Washington, so we took a convertible and spent the whole day cruising, taking pictures, just enjoying the best of the west.

What I loved about this shot was the dramatic contrast of blue and green,
and if you look closely at the mountains before the snow-capped ones,
you can get some idea of the sharp ridges that make up this area.

From Everett to Darrington is an easy drive, or it used to be.

I liked this shot so much that I actually did a watercolor rendition of it,
although I'm not exactly sure where this is, it is in the Oso region.

I'm posting these photos because recently someone asked me, "Why would people choose to live in area that had a landslide?" For the same reason that some people choose to live in Colombia or Hawaii or Florida or New England.

Each of these locales offers something greater than the physical threat of landslides, volcanoes,  hurricanes or snow, and we think we are choosing our places with care. I think in time it will come out that there was information about the geological trends in Oso which was not widely disseminated and so people were making life choices without enough details to make decisions based on all the facts.

There are so many beautiful views here in Washington State, and one of them is along Highway 20 to Port Townsend from Sequim. It is also posted with signs that say, "Slide Area," and once in awhile there are boulders lying on the side of the road.

For me, this is like driving in Colombia, where there are warnings about 'derumbas' (rock slides) all the time, and in the time I was there, I avoided being in any of them - although I was affected by more than a few in terms of not being able to go someplace for awhile.

Honestly, I haven't seen it as much of a threat, either. But with all the rain we've had this year, I am rethinking driving that road. And I will be more cautious when I hear warnings about driving where there is a potential for land or rock to slide down.

It is grotesque to imagine what these families and friends are enduring, and I hope my small donation brings some comfort.

There is another situation of significantly more danger developing and that is for the Quinault tribe in Taholah, on the Pacific side of the Olympic Peninsula. Just draw a straight line west from Seattle on the map and that is where the ocean has breached the tribal lands, causing undercutting of buildings and forcing evacuation. Although the Army Corps of Engineers has installed lots of 'rip rap' (stones to hold back the waves), much more must be done to protect these native peoples and their land.

Right now it seems as if there is no end to crises that people are facing, and my meager resources don't allow me to contribute to every one. In some ways that must be the way our government is feeling with all the demands for federal aid. But my position is we must attend to our own before we help beyond our borders. Kind of like using the oxygen mask on an airline; put it on yourself first and then help others.