Perhaps because of those mistakes, it has made me more aware of the kinds of people who prey on others who are needy.
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| The Olympics are lovely in the dusky light. |
Recently Dr. Phil did an hour-long program with a woman who had been persuaded to send over $250,000 dollars to a man she never met, someone she talked to every day (sometimes many times a day) and who now was at the risk of losing her home and becoming alienated from her family because she refused to believe this man was scamming her. Even with all the evidence Dr.Phil presented, she continued to talk to him and was prepared to send him more money.
There is, for these people, an addiction being fed by hope and dreams.
You can find a Malaysian comment thread with stories of women who have had the courage to tell their stories.
This is the story outline:
A man, recently widowed (or after several years of being alone after a divorce), has joined Love.com (not a real match site) in order to meet someone he can marry. His target 'audience' is another lonely heart, usually older, and with information that indicates they are financially secure - and eager. Older women are not as savvy about what they put in their profiles and they give away a lot of personal stuff without realizing it.
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| Going on a cruise is one way to meet a lot of people. |
He uses a throw-away phone to call, so the number and his location cannot easily be revealed.
The photos used to depict this character are usually stolen and have no relationship to the real individual. Oh, and he is often 'connected' to an adult child who lives apart, but who can 'vouch' for him. This other character may even communicate with the target.
I have had two friends caught up in these scams. One listened to me and got out early with no more damage than that to her ego and is now happily involved with a man who is truly who he says he is and who cares very much for her.
The other one refused to listen to my warnings. And when I became seriously worried and spoke to our mutual pastor about what I feared was going on, she cut me off, saying some cruel things. It is my belief that she took out a loan on her home, eventually selling it to pay off the loan, and as she was leaving the area, she announced that she was sending him another $3500 for a one-way ticket back from Malaysia so he could drive her belongings to her destination. The last I heard she had left without picking him up at the airport.
We all want to have a connection with someone, to not feel as if there are no witnesses to our lives. But desperation, especially for older divorced or widowed individuals, seems to drive common sense out the window.
The idea behind dating sites is a good one, bringing people together with like interests. But no amount of money for membership fees will guarantee that the people on the site are really who they say they are. If you know of someone who is considering going on a dating site, caution them about these scams. And the old adage "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is..." is one of the few things that still has value.
Lots of people are scammed over the Internet. The actual number is staggering, it's in the hundreds of thousands. Most of us have heard of the 'Nigerian Scam,' where a 'lawyer' writes to you asking the help him transfer millions of dollars belonging to a deposed ruler into your account and then allowing him to pick it up when he emigrates to the US (or wherever). For the service, you get a few million bucks and all you have to do is send the routing and account number of your bank so they can deposit the money. The three percent of people whose avarice is greater than their intellect send along the number and awaken to find their account drained. When you think of the millions of scam letters emailed out, that three percent shows why the scam persists. It works. The Svengali scam, of which Sandy speaks, is almost as common but is executed as a hybrid Internet scam and con game. There are a lot of people out there who will exploit loneliness, greed, gullibility --to profit from the hurt and betrayal they inflict. Before one ever considers doing more than sharing a "Hi, how's the weather" conversation needs to do due diligence. Real, honest people are easy to find information about. Never feel awkward about asking for the specifics of where a person works, what associations they're members of, and things of that nature. Before sending them a dime, you should tell them that all of your monetary transactions are handled by your accountant and ask them for both postal and electronic contact info so your accountant can contact them and make sure everything goes properly to make sure they receive your cash. Any resistance to these things should indicate they are not on the up and up. Of course, people should always insist on at least a couple of in person meetings before the conversation can ever get to the subject of money. If they find it impossible to do that, then it will no doubt be equally impossible for them to meet to return the money, pass over anything purchased or whatever. Skype is a good start, but nothing beats facetime to allow your instincts to take an accurate measure. Remember, everything on the Internet is false until it has been proven, repeatedly, factual.
ReplyDeleteGood post Sandy!
Still alive and Kicking across the state from you.